living in a pressure cooker

I feel like I'm living in a pressure cooker

Being compressed, compressed and compressed

I still am breathing, gasping for air.

Teared multiple times over this.

I know the only thing I can do now is to hold on to this

I can no longer step back, but only move forward

This is tough

STPM is no joke

Pressure by people around

Pressure build on my past results

Pressure by myself

Expectations definitely

Expectations of my own capability

Fear.

What if I cannot meet even my own expectations?

What if I already put in my very best and cannot perform?

What if I disappoint those that had hope on me?

Couldn't think much further.

The only thing I can do is to rest in God

To surrender everything.

The anxiety. The fear. The worries.

Rest. 

Lately,

loving the stillness of the lake

and I can sit there doing nothing

for a long period of time.