living in a pressure cooker

I feel like I'm living in a pressure cooker

Being compressed, compressed and compressed

I still am breathing, gasping for air.

Teared multiple times over this.

I know the only thing I can do now is to hold on to this

I can no longer step back, but only move forward

This is tough

STPM is no joke

Pressure by people around

Pressure build on my past results

Pressure by myself

Expectations definitely

Expectations of my own capability

Fear.

What if I cannot meet even my own expectations?

What if I already put in my very best and cannot perform?

What if I disappoint those that had hope on me?

Couldn't think much further.

The only thing I can do is to rest in God

To surrender everything.

The anxiety. The fear. The worries.

Rest. 

Lately,

loving the stillness of the lake

and I can sit there doing nothing

for a long period of time.

of the recent

it's not that I failed really bad this time

comparing with other people I might consider scoring rather well

but that's definitely not the end.

I do not like comparing withe others although that are sometimes our benchmark,

but I really want to score well. REALLY.

Yes, 4 flat is definitely a dream to me ever since the day I stepped into the life of Form Six

Been emphasizing it again and again

nevertheless, there is still a tinge in me that hope to achieve this dream

questioned myself before, 

what's my motive behind it?

pride? scholarships?

it's just my heart's desire to score with flying colours.

I admit, this round of trials I did not put in my very best.

not good in managing my time

not coping very well

that ended me up with this result

she was right,

I have the capability to do better but did not maximize my capability

I have to work hard, manage my time well.

TV

Relax

Shopping

Too much sleep

Hanging out with friends

Outings 

Much discipline needed