Parking lot

I left without thinking much, left me felt like I was being bullied.

One morning upon arriving at my usual parking spot a work, I saw that there was a cone with a company’s name there. I was confused as I usually park there. So, I went off the car and remove the cone and parked my car. 

Then a man came to me and say that this should be their company’s spot as they had a permit for the spot, now they need it back etc. My first thought was that I do not want to have any conflict and try to argue, so I apologized and said I did not know since I parked here for more than a year. Trying to not defend myself or explain myself, I just went to park at a lot where I have to pay.

Stupid.

Why did I even leave to re-park my car? I should have asked him to check with my company and not give in so easily?

Why was I so afraid of conflict?

Why did I not stay a little longer?

Why did I explain or negotiate?

I was so troubled throughout the entire day. I was not only troubled by how I reacted to the situation, but how to deal with it the next day as well. Am I suppose to park at my spot again? What if the man were to come to me? What should I say? Should I stand up for myself?

This left me reflecting about myself.

I have always been nonchalant over many things, especially towards people.

Telling myself, it’s okay.

Don’t be so sensitive. 

Just do more, it is fine.

Don’t have to be defensive

Avoid conflict.

Avoid argument.

This left me doubting myself and am thinking whether what I think was okay is actually not okay?

Am I suppose to be stronger and learn to speak out?

It is definitely an incident that have led me reflecting about my character. 

Not leading me to self-doubt, but how the Lord wants to shape me through this.

I know that He can shape me, but am I willing to be shaped as I know it will take a lot of me and it is painful.

 idk

I shall sit on this and reflect.

Quarter of a Century

When everyone prefers not to reveal their age and complaining about getting older, I felt that I don't mind telling my age, I'm already age quarter of a century! Maybe because I mix with the younger people more, and being older than them give me the "authority" and also the "big sister" feeling to them whenever I speak to them.

This year is a very special year to me, as I have started working, back to the church I belong and also back to my very own home.

As times goes on, I find it very important to pen down my thoughts, to take time and reflect. And here I am, deciding to be back at writing (though knowing that I am not very good at it) after talking to a very dear friend of mine.

Also, kicking start after attending a seminar called 'Make Your Life Count!' I have quite a number of take backs from it and I shall share it real soon.

Cried.

I think this semester is the semester where I cried the most. (Ever since I became a uni student, I use semester than year). For those small little petite things, for things that I care and treasure, for things that I feel that I cannot take it anymore. I cry.

I tend to get pretty emotional and agitated overthings. I have no idea why and since when I am like this. I can get upset easilywhich I am not aware about it until people around pat and remind me.

I know I cannot be reacting this way. Due to my health, I need to be calm, steady and happy. But I just can't be feeling like that all the time, as if I do not have emotions and I cannot afford to be angry. When people do something that agitates me, am I suppose to return with a smile? Gah!

Well, for whatever is it. I just know I cannot be stress, angry and emotional. I need to be a pro in controlling my emotions. I guess all I could do is, in every circumstances, tell myself 'it's okay!' and carry on. (I'm trying to say this without being sarcastic)

Life. My life. 

Sunsets

I was diligently backup-ing  the photos in my phone to the computer, as my phone was rather laggy already, plus I am just too paranoid that what if anything happens and I did not back up my photos?! iPhone doesn't has a memory card as external storage. I spent hours of sorting out pictures into different folders. I admit I was slow as I need to decide on which picture goes into which folder (selfie folder, event folder or random folder), also I did take time to look back what had happened for the past one year. This sound like its in December 2015 already (it will soon).

While transferring photos, I realize I have a number of sunset pictures, as studying in Sabah the most often thing to do is to go and watch the sunset. I go watch when you have friends or family from Penisular that comes over, I go watch when you go for a one day outing with friends,  I go watch when I need a break from the hustle and bustle of life.

So here it is, so collection of my sunst photos. I've deleted some though.

It's been two years, and I have two more years to go. I can't believe that people around me are graduating next year. And next year at this day, I have to be prepared for a different university life.

sorry for the tears shed

It feels like writing a traveller's diary. How it feels to be away from home, to be far away from the family that is so dear to me, friends that I can count on and place that I am familiar with. I know it has been almost 2 years studying away from home (going back every half a year though), but it does not mean that I am immune to that.

Yesterday as I was scrolling through Instagram, saw a dear friend wrote this: 'I rly am horrible at letting ppl go...'. I feel I can relate to it. I have been  easily attached to people around, people that have deeply impacted my life, people that are precious in my life. I admit I have the fear of people leaving or perhaps me leaving them.

Same goes to my family. As I was planning with my siblings on what to do and where to go on Mother's Day, I was struck as there's so little I can do. I can't be physically there with my mum. I teared. I admit that I have been really bust to even post a card back, or buy something online for my mum, but I just feel that nothing beats being by her side.

As I called my mum yesterday, after wishing her, I cried, I could not hold back any more. I can feel that she too is very sad and close to tears at the other side of the phone. How I wish I can be back there to celebrate Mothers' Day with her, celebrate her birthday with her and also other occasions with the family. There is just so much that I wish to, only if I am with them...physically. 

I don't mind being labelled as one that misses home, reliable and dependent. I don't feel the need to hide my feeling of missing home. I just can't wait to go back home to celebrate each occasion with them.

Just to say, another person will be leaving my life in a month's time. Ain't easy.

it's been a long time

It's been a long time, real long time since I've pen down my thoughts. I have been reading other people's blog and also pop by mine once in a while to recall what have happened in the past. Putting down my thoughts here has always helped me to move forward and after some time I look back at my post, I'll realise how much I've grown and how much grace and mercy given to me in my life.

Today is a rather free day for me. It has been pretty busy and hectic for the past few weeks, especially the past one week that I seldom am at home besides the night time. Being out from home for more than 15 hours is a norm. 

This morning, I woke up rather early, about 9 ish. Then I start to get things moving so not to waste time. I've learnt to become as productive as I can. To not waste time and laze around. Always list down the things to do, even the tiny weensy things so that I will not forget or miss a thing. (I tend to be forgetful recently)

Loving to spend some alone time where I can do things I want, sit down, not talking to anybody, not needing to reply anyone. The time alone is somehow refreshing, for me at least. Then I get very happy to have a day all to myself.

I'll try my best to update whenever I can, to pen down the thoughts running in my head.

Appreciate Life

I had been reading through various blogs recently, of friends' and blogger's. This definitely has inspired me to revive my blog once again which I had left it growing mushrooms since the last post.

One thing that dawn on me is that  there are many things that are worth in life, its whether we take time to appreciate it and reflect on it.

Day after day, time flies and we just pass month after month without realising that we have not stop and slow down and think about life.

Everyday, there must be something for us to be thankful for. We are in a society that we often take things for granted. Even when we are served with a smile by the waiter/waitress, we feel that it should be their role to do so.

I've been learning to slow down and to appreciate things in life. Do not take things for granted. 

Our life is colourful as long as we want it to be, hence appreciate it so that we leave no regrets.

of 31122014

it has been a long long year of 365 days

being away from home most of the days allows me to try out things that I've not tried before

which led me to make my own decision

makes my heart fonder

it hasn't been an easy year

tough,

it has been

physically especially

emotionally

mentally

like a roller coaster, after you're able to open up your eyes with relieve

it slides down again, and repeats

I am so tired about this and I lost count of the times I've went through that

knowing that there are many people that cares for me, it brings me comfort

yet deep down, sometimes it feels like 'you do not have an idea what i am going through!'

one thing about this ride is that, the seat beside me is never empty

He is always there

if it wasn't God, I have no idea how I will go through it.

all I ask for is a smoother journey in 2015

two months holiday

my semester break for two months is coming to an end soon

and so, I'll be leaving back to Sabah in about 11 days

this two months was kind of fruitful for myself personally

I basically spent most of the time at home

well, I definitely had done more than that

and it will be listed out in this post! *looking back at my calender to recall*

1. settled my personal banking stuff

2. celebrated daddy's birthday with a surprise (which I don't get to last year)

3. went on for a Malacce 3D2N Roadtrip

4. went for a facial appointment

5. met up with the girls and the boys

6. in charge of the house floor cleanliness (upstairs and downstairs)

7. done part of the house spring cleaning

8. attended a new cell and had good time together

9. played the piano occasionally

10. washing up dishes after dinner almost every night

11. the standby driver for the family

12. planned a spontaneous steamboat with Dee

13. doing poster design

14. hosted a friend from Penang

15. watched TVB dramas 

16. on the computer everyday

17. visited some high school teachers

18. went up Kampung Bakok with daddy

19. yumchas

20. encouraged some people

21. blogged (a little bit)

couldn't recall more :P

HB, CSA

to the very special one that was born on 10 August 1993
a post dedicated to you on this 21st birthday!

I've known you for only three years
to be honest, it didn't felt like years yet the short time did not matter to me
I'm able to share transparently with you
the values we share
the same faith we have
it brings us together just that easily

21 years hadn't been easy
yet by grace you've come through
I'm glad to be able to be by your side (spiritually)
to encourage and edify your spirit

I'm so proud to see you grow (so old) thus far
grow not only physically, but also spiritually, mentally and your thinking
as if my little princess grown up and is ready to face challenges in life

here, I want to wish you a very Happy and Blessed Birthday

living in two different environments

It's been a month since I came back to KL for my semester break

It feels comfortable, familiar and free

Everything just falls into place when I'm home

Slowly when people around begin to ask about the life there,

I tend to start comparing and realise that the lifestyle here and there is different

Different in the people I mix with, the entertainment and the lifestyle definitely.

Being here (at home) for a longer period makes me want to stay here and not go back

Going back there means being out of the comfort zone and adapting once again without the family

I wouldn't say I did not enjoy in Sabah (or perhaps I need to)

But living in two rather different environments do make me homesick

Well, its all about adjusting and getting used to it.

movies update

After the oh-so-very-busy Pesta Tiong Hwa, I was basically struggling with my studies. 

Couldn't focus in classes, skipping classes, cannot catch up with the assignments and so on. 

Level of stress increases, amount of assignment increases yet time for sleep decreases.

However at the peak of all these, me and friends decided to go for movie.

Hence, Captain America

I did enjoy the movie. Action movie but yet not too dizzy cause we sat the fourth row from the front.

Few days after that we went for another random movie date, which is Divergent

I would pretty much say I really enjoyed this movie. I went without knowing what this movie was about totally so I was somewhat lost in the beginning of the movie. Then I started to understand the whole thing behind it, This always happen to me when I watch movie. A little slow :P

I did not read the book before but after watching the movie I believe the book is even better cause the movie was, great! It had a good storyline and the cast was good. Don;t mind watching it a second time.

After Divergent, I went for Famili Cell and we're suppose to have movie again.

We are watching 'What If'

This movie really left me ponder a lot. A movie that shows what if we chose another way during that junction of our life, what would have happened. I reflected quite a lot, and thought about life again. What if there is a what if. Highly recommend this to watch!

It was a week of movies and movies, and there might be more because it's a mid semester break.

Fun Night Out

Few weeks back, joined some sort of students counsellors society for a night out outing
Myself, Cathssy, Ming Cheng, Trisha and Chin Pei
Everything was planned by the seniors and we headed to have a seafood dinner
Wasn't too much of seafood but the taste was not too bad
Something that we can get back in KL as well!
The restaurant was quite spacious cause I guess it's a tourist hot spot to visit for seafood!

The table of food!

A picture of us! :)

After that we headed to watch musical fountain @ Perdana Park which is quite near to the Tanjung Aru beach

Wasn't too impress with the musical fountain

Perhaps cz I have seen better ones in other places *blessed*

After we got bored watching the musical fountain,

we went around snapping pictures of ourselves

That marks the start of us having our mobile tripod everywhere we go!

After that we went to the beach and had fruit juice

(weird combination)

That's pretty much for the night!

I did enjoy myself that night :)

Next up, KK Road Trip

50 days

It's already my 50th day in UMS

I consider it long enough for me, cause I've never tried not going home for more than 50 days continuously

I would say I've learnt so much from being away from home

Being more matured, independent and more considerate

It hadn't been easy, sincerely

Cause I'm missing the people back there like crazy

Thinking about the food back there

And the roads I used to travel so often (I hope I can still drive steadily)

Due to the fear in me that people back there might forget me

I will bump into their whatsapp and show them some pictures of mine :)

I do appreciate those who've always take effort to bother me *xoxo*

Places that I love to visit in the university:

1. D'Bayu Cafeteria

The place you can have a taste of different speciality than those normal cafeteria food

At the same time, enjoy the beautiful view of the sunset

2. The library

I have so much library time in university

And I always have the freezing problem

Yesterday evening, I also joined the Pesta Tanglung

Was kinda bored initially

We sat randomly on the floor when nobody dares to do so

I started to enjoy a little when there are some better quality emcees that appear

Plus a local singer came as well

Which was also the highlight of the day

Well, I am still surviving

Always mingling with this two other people, enjoying ourselves

Unsual

I'm trying to be who I am

of le updates

Things I start to experience for University:

Assignments piling up

Class being cancelled upon arrival

Spending time in the library waiting for the next class to start

Losing focus cause the lecturer starts to merepek

Printing notes and notes and notes of PP slides

Meeting different people from different classes

how's life?

Just an update on how's life over here, just because everyone has been asking me how's life every now and then especially a few Whatsapps at the same time that I even had the thought of adding them into a group named - 'Joey! How's life?' haha. Nah, not that I'm frustrated, instead am very appreciative of the concerns and some noticing my absence in Kepong :P

Since I have not been reporting the full how's life in KK, I'll do a slightly detailed one here (provided I'm able to remember every thing :P)

 

Things that are challenging:

1. Bathing with COLD water! (shivers)

2. Eating the same old food every few days

3. Always lose to the battle to get up the shuttle bus

4. Attending a new church (yes, I am very attached to Bethany :'(  )

5. No PORK! :(

6. Managing time (study.class.chores.food)

7. No GOOD coffee

8. When loneliness hits

Things that I'm super appreciative:

1. Those people back in Kepong that spends time calling me or talking to me on the phone/Skype

2. Mum that now am so active in Whatsapp just to always reply me and check out how am I 

3. Friendly roommates

4. Prayers from everyone (it's important)

5. There's a shopping mall near my Uni!

6. People that bangs my loneliness away with a call / text

Things I am currently living with:

1. Walking a lot, like A LOT

2. Spending lotsa time at my study table (cz I'm lazy to always climb up the upper deck bed, not that I'm studying)

3. Always managing my expenses

4. Super early sunrise and Super early sunset (I feel jet lag :P)

5. Constantly arranging my table cum cupboard (cz I've got very little space to put my things

6. Loneliness when there's nothing and no one, except drama

Things that make me happy or I feel bahagia

1. PORK and good food!

2. Seeing cars from KL

3. When I get to sit in a car

4. When I get to wear short pants

5. When I get to drink dairy products (cz I don't have a fridge in hostel)

6. When I know I am not lonely :)

Nevertheless

I want to thank God

For being with me

Sustaining me

In times where I feel lonely and lost

from the west to the east

And on the 1 September 2013, marks the day I left home to further my studies. Being the one that leave ain't a good feeling at all. I will definitely be missing and still missing the people back at home. And I am super glad and grateful for my dear family and close people that came to send me off (am seriously touched) Couldn't thank more but promise I'll take good care of myself these few years.

Dear family

Important people in life

On the first day I reach there, decided to sleep with parents in the hotel, cause I know I won;t get to see them any more, also due to the fact that the hostel is not so nice (need time to digest). On Monday night onwards marks the starting of the Minggu Suai Mesra (Orientation) for the first year students. It's in the Dewan Canselor which can sit around 5000 people, huge!

A panoramic view :)

My tag!

Basically our orientation is more of sitting in the hall everyday and listen to talks and talks and TALKS! And I'm a pro in sleeping during talks. Haha. It's too boring. We don't have those senior bully juniors stuff (Thank  God)

On Wednesday is the important day, there's a dress code, everyone gotta dress up with white top and black bottom and guys a green tie and girls green scarf. Cause it's our Majlis Ikrar dan Aku Janji, where it marks our start as a university student *smiles proudly*

On Friday night there was a talent night, where there was drama and songs and dance, was fun and interesting but too bad, I slept half way through :P

There marks the end of my MSM@UMS :)

Few things that is remarkable for me:

1. I walked a lot, a lot, A LOT! Each day at least 30 minutes to 1 hour
2. I sang the school songs more than 15 times! (makes me feel like I'm graduating)
3. Eating daging everyday, cause I don't want ikan and ayam :P
4. Learning to bathe with cold water, without screaming
5. Charging gadgets everyday (phone, power bank, tablet, broadband)

More about my UniLife to come :)

adapt to change

Adapting to change is something I don't like, or rather I would say, nobody likes changes

Especially when it requires moving out of our comfort zone and leaving dear people in life

But in different phase of life, this is what we need to go through

I would say this year has been a year that I change environment the most, a hectic year of adapting

From leaving school, then leaving to SG for a few months, back here in home, and leaving Uni

Everything took place so fast with a short interval makes me feel detach at times

It somehow cause me not to want to get attach to people around me

Adapting to change take a lot of courage, a big step instead, to move out of our comfort zone

Everything starts when we are willing to adapt to change

We can never expect things to be the same from where we were after we leave

And can never expect thing to be the same at the place we are new too

That's why we need to adapt

It's when we are willing to adapt to change

We will see things differently

We won't be putting the past into the present (which wouldn't help)

We will find ourselves enjoying like never before

Adapt to Change - a phase of life

Even before I started, I knew this day would come

I really do not anticipate

I know it's gonna be tough

The separation, the leaving part

But still, I did not hold back myself throughout the three months

On that day, heavy hearted

I really miss the days and the times

It's not easy to meet each other

But I'll make the effort

Been facing people coming and leaving in life

Every time, I struggle

But I grow stronger each time.

Seriously.

I know that I want and need to move on

Not forgetting the times we had together

But not holding back and stopping me from progressing

Day Out @ SG

At last, visited this cafe in Singapore after getting to know this place for about two months
I was situated at Tyrwhitt Road, I almost got lost after alighting at the bus station but manage to find that place at last.
Thank God!

I had my lunch there as well
Ordered Omelette with Ham
EGGS! (my all time favourite)

This place is kind of cool
The exterior and the interior is totally different

The Exterior

The Interior

I also ordered a cold brew and a banana cake

And I ended up being too full.

I will want to come back again, and have a taste of the expresso!

A place worth a visit! :)